Facing Anxiety

Secondary school was hard. And I didn’t realise how hard it was until I left. From Year9 until I left in Year11, I was bullied by 2 of my, then, closest friends. It was hard to recognise as I had never been bullied before and no one told me this was happening to me until it was too late. When I walked into that cafetteria every morning, I was welcomed by “God Eren you smell today” or “why is your hair like that” “you’re so cringe Eren“. Silly comments like that. Everyday. For 2 years. There came a time when my friends friends realised it too and I had to let the bullies go.

I would say my anxiety started in Year 5. I would wake up on a Saturday and panic thinking it was a Thursday and I was late for school, or it would be a mufti day and I would excessively worry that everyone was pranking me so I would get in trouble. I then fell out with friends in like Year8 on iMessage and I think that’s when I developed a worry for receiving text messages. (I know it sounds stupid, I’ll explain). Whenever the two individuals that bullied me would text me I would get a rush of anxiety, not knowing what they’re going to say, how they’d say it. And one time they said something so horrible I was hysterically crying to my parents. “You should drop them Eren, they are horrible people” - but I couldn’t do that. Why would I drop them? They were my friends at the end of the day, or so that is what I thought.

Since then, I have developed Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Yes, everyone has anxiety. Yes, everyone gets anxious. But having an anxiety disorder is uncomparable to the type of anxiety you get before doing an exam or meeting up with your crush. It’s 24/7 excessive feeling of anxiety disproportional to what you're going through. It’s getting anxious doing the little things that’s supposed to make you excited.

Its hell. But I wouldn’t be myself without it.

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